


You're Still Written In The Scars On My Heart

by kjstark



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, i need to stop writting angst!bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 14:06:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjstark/pseuds/kjstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why? I'm broken, Rhodey," he said biting his lip, in a sort of carefree gesture, but his eyes were getting pink over the edges. </p><p>"Nah, you're just...bent," Rhodey smiled at him dearly, feeling his heartbeat get even.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Still Written In The Scars On My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I heard Half Of My Heart by John Mayer, then Just Give Me A Reason by P!ink in a row and this sort of happened on the road trip.  
> This was meant to be part of the third week of the Tumblr Marvel Small Ships Meme, but I'm posting it waaaay too late.  
> Anyway, this is un-beta'd, and full of misspelling mistakes, because english isn't my first language, not because I'm a dyslexic thirteen year old girl.

The air looked heavy. Rhodey smiled as he noticed one cloud taking the form of a rabbit. And the sun above him was deep yellow. He was done with the mission for now, and so ready to come back home.

Bright blue, like the sky, with edges of navy blue, like the uniform he was wearing, that's what Bucky's eyes looked like. And Rhodey thought it was ridiculous, he saw the sky all the time, he lived in it, loved it, and now it always made him think of Bucky. Bucky's eyes, his favorite shirt, the color of his favorite lollipop flavor.

"You with me, Rhodes?" Major Allen called him. Rhodey wondered how many time he spent talking to him. He sat straight and looked at him.

"Yes, sorry" he apologized. Major Allen gave him a tiny smile and looked back at his window.

"Thinking about the gal at home?" he asked, without looking at him. And Rhodey smiled, despite the Major's mistake.

"Something like that" he replied, crossing his fingers together and looking back at the Major.

"It is good," he added, raising his eyebrows "having someone waiting for you to get to them" and Rhodey agreed. Because even if things between him and Bucky weren't acknowledged as something serious -because he'd never ask him for it, because he doesn't need Bucky to freak, he doesn't need to push him-, he knew how he felt, and he had a good idea about Bucky, too. Bucky, it was complicated, he sort of happened on him and one second it was a tooth brush and the other Rhodey's closet was half-full with clothes that weren't his.

And then six months ago, each time he came back home, Bucky was there, there at the airport, there at the apartment. Sometimes awake -to give him a hug and a warm smile-, and sometimes asleep -to whisper him a ' _welcome home_ ' when Rhodey leaned down to kiss him.

What they said out loud? Well, Bucky needs a place to stay and Rhodey barely uses his, with all the missions and stuff, so that was it. It was never brought up again, and it was pretty simple. Rhodey didn't see other people because he didn't want to and Bucky didn't see other people because he didn't think he needed more.

If Bucky still referred to him as his 'fuck-buddy' it wasn't important, because at the end of the day he'd tell him he needed him in his sleep, because at the end of the day Bucky shares his strawberry milkshakes with him because 'they're too good for this planet', because at the end of the day Bucky's got a kung-fu grip on his hand when he has nightmares at midnight and Rhodey realizes he's there for him -because Bucky's chosen him to be-, because at the end of the day the metal-arm doesn't feel cold against his skin but Bucky shutting the door closed saying he's fine when he isn't is colder than any winter Rhodey's ever lived. So yeah, he was in a committed relationship with someone that believed he wasn't capable of such thing, but he wasn't pushing, because he didn't need Bucky to realize he loved him, he just needed him to _feel_ it, and as long as he did, everything was fine.

And that was the thing about Bucky, the thing that sometimes was a question, and other bad times it felt like a lie. But Bucky is getting better and better at kissing that uncomfortable feeling away from him. Rhodey sighed deeply and checked his watch. One more hour to go.

Rhodey waved at the Major and took his bag, placing it over his shoulder. He walked, he looked, but Bucky wasn't there, it was almost 5p.m. so Rhodey frowned. He checked his phone but he didn't have any missing calls or voice mails. He took a cab after he waited twenty minutes.

Being used to being alone was something Rhodey had learned since he and Carol broke up in 2008, and six months after it, he took -scratch that, Tony gave him- the War Machine suit. And after becoming a half-time not-super hero, dating lost its coolness. But now loneliness was a sharp noise in the back of his ears that made him desperate. And loneliness was all his apartment had right now.

He took a sip of water and tried to remember the last time he had to text Bucky he was home.

That night he lied in a ridiculously huge bed and tried to remember what the hell was he thinking when he bought it. In the bathroom he left the sink slightly opened, so the drops of water would silence the annoying 'beep' in the back of his head.

When he woke up, his StarkPhone was titling red light.

' _Awesome. I'll see you when I go pick up my things. Got lots of things to tell ya_ '' Bucky's absurdly vague reply read. Rhodey bit his bottom lip and called General O'connor and then Tony.

"He bought an apartment," Tony replied annoyed, when Rhodey inevitably asked about Bucky.

He went back to his place 5 hours later, feeling better after talking to Tony for all that time, about anything, and for that moment he didn't feel alone. When he got back he found Bucky putting clothes in bags and felt unsure about kissing him.

He cleared his throat in the threshold of the door and kept his cool. This was nothing.

Bucky turned back at him and for a second Rhodey wondered who was standing in front of him. He lost his cool.

"Hey," the man said "I bought an apartment- well, SHIELD got me an apartment," Bucky explained with a small grin.

Rhodey crossed his arms and shut the questions in his head off "Yeah, Tony told me something about that," and suddenly the loneliness' beep was back and Rhodey knew he wasn't alone at all.

"I wanted to say thank you, for letting me stay here -ahm, wow, for 9 months," Rhodey stared while Bucky talked, and he knew his eyes weren't trying to keep his emotions hidden, he was sure Bucky was seeing it, sensing it.

"Anytime," Rhodey replied with a shrug, after a little too long and Bucky looked at him for the first time, unsure.

Bucky bet his bottom lip and looked around the bedroom, "ahm, I left you the blue sweater," he pointed the closet and then put his hand in the back of his head.

"Why?" Rhodey shot quickly, frowning at him "it's yours," he walked to the closet and handed it to him. Bucky shook his head. "C'mon, Bucky, it's too tight for me, take it," Rhodey offered again.

"Rhodey," he took a pause, and something it the back of his throat tasted awful. "I don't want it...thank you," and then he wasn't looking anymore. And Rhodey wanted to complain, but he looked at the situation and knew better, there was no point, and being indifferent was looking pretty good at the moment, even if he knew he wasn't going to be able to handle it later on.

"Fine," and he let the sweater fall of his hand, landing in the mattress soundlessly.

"I'll see you...I'll see you when I see you," Bucky added hesitantly and Rhodey nodded at him and sat.

And if Rhodey said he saw this coming he'd be lying.

 

One week went by before Rhodey saw him again, and they still acted like nothing happened, and Rhodey was starting to wonder if something actually did. They were at Steve's place in Brooklyn -the new one, the old one was no longer a forrest house. And there was a storm outside.

That day Rhodey knew why SHIELD got Bucky a place, he was going off to a mission. Something about soviet facilities and Bucky being perfect for the undercover job.

All Rhodey heard was danger.

Which is why one hour after hearing the news he was dragging Bucky to the kitchen to ask him what happened. And fifteen minutes and twenty seconds after, it all went to hell.

"You are so fucking condescending," Bucky threw his arms up in the air.

"I'm not condescending, I'm trying to stay out of your fucking life!" And that was sadly true.

"Why?! Who told you to do that?" he asked, frowning hard.

"You did! I remember you walking out my door, like it was nothing,-

"You were supposed to stop me! You-," Bucky cut himself suddenly and Rhodey pressed his own lips "You're right, I walked out your door, I did you a favor,-

"Oh my- fuck," was all Rhodey said before storming out the kitchen, waving one quick goodbye to a room full of people that he was sure were listening.

The fact that it was raining made it a little bit better, because Rhodey could feel the anger freezing up with cold water. He kept walking until he heard Bucky behind him, asking him to wait.  
"Whatever, Barnes, I just wanna go home," he said first, but then something caught up in his chest and he couldn't think of good enough reasons to keep to himself, and if it was selfish, fine, but after everything that's happened Bucky might as well fucking owe him that "you know what? Fuck it," and he turned "I'm sick tired of this bullshit. I can't read what's in your mind, and you cannot fucking ask me to!" Rhodey yelled at a very odd very quiet Bucky. "I don't push it, I don't ask, I don't comment on things that will make you uncomfortable, I know what you've through, Bucky, and I understand, and if that makes me condescending in the bad way, maybe I am, but I've made everything humanly possible to make you feel like you deserve me, like you deserve this. And I don't call it on you, I've never judged you," he could see Bucky swallowing in front of him, and he took a breath "but out of everything I can take I can't take this, I can't take you pushing me away out of the nowhere, I can't," and as the anger slowly got out of his chest, he could feel himself breath heavily.

Bucky stared at him for what felt too long and Rhodey fought the urge to smack his head out of frustration. "Thank you," Bucky said after, walking slowly closer to him. "I would've left you ages ago if you pushed me into anything,"

"Is that supposed to be funny?" Rhodey wasn't having a good time.

"No, it's the truth," Bucky shrugged "I just- look at what I'm doing to you-

"Bucky, you're doing this right now-

"It's not enough for you, Rhodey! What I can give you it's not enough for you-

"And this is your idea of a solution?! To run off?" Rhodey raised his eyebrows, exasperated.

"Can you think of something better?-

"Yes!" he shouted, and he realized he was inches away from Bucky now "stay with me," he took Bucky's face in his hands and made him look back at him.

"Why? I'm broken, Rhodey," he said biting his lip, in a sort of carefree gesture, but his eyes were getting pink over the edges.

"Nah, you're just...bent," Rhodey smiled at him dearly, feeling his heartbeat get even.

And then he kissed him, because that was the thing to do.


End file.
